The Inner Machinations of My Mind Are an Enigma

2014-01-04 01:50:09 by GreaserOfficial

Isn't it interesting to think about how our brains work? We're so close to our brains at all times, yet we know so little about it. I'm not sure how clear my ideas will come through my attempt at typing them, but I will try.

It just gets to me sometimes; thinking the deepest thoughts imaginable, only when I'm alone in my room at night. It's frightening sometimes, even. Why are we here? No one has the slightest bit of evidence to prove why we're here. Sure, you can lean on religion for an answer, and that's completely okay; but religion can't have ALL of the answers, can it? Even if religion could have ALL of the answers, I don't think I'd want to know all of the answers in life. To know your ultimate fate, to me, can be more frightening than not knowing. What scares you more: Eternal death or eternal life? Whoa. That's a heavy thing to think about. Eternal life is incomprehensive. To think that if I die, and go to "Heaven" or "Hell", there's nothing beyond that ultimate fate; that scares me. The end scares me. However, never being able to reach the end scares me just as much. But there's nothing you can do about it, so there's no real shocking fright it delivers. It's more of a calm depression. It's like a dream I had somewhat recently..

I dreamt my hometown was under a nuclear attack. I remember feeling complete and utter terror in the beginning of my dream. Then, after seeing the bright flash of the A-Bomb, I felt no terror; only sadness. Depression.

I had another dream. This dream is more recent; a few days ago..

I dreamt that my family was dying; via murder of unknown people. Not my immediate family though. I dreamt my uncle was shot and killed, which was devastating to me in the dream. I cannot see why it got to me so much, seeing as I'm not really too close to my uncle, or have much emotional attachment to him. I also dreamt my sister was kidnapped, which made a bit of sense of my sadness. Although when my sister was kidnapped in my dream, there was a different feeling; more anger and fear.

What is fear? What is depression? I believe that fear is an emotion we feel to save ourselves or others; to show us our limits. It's an emotion that shows we have a chance for survival; or as long as we think we do. I think that depression is more helpnessness. Knowing that you can't change a damn thing, no matter what you do and how hard you try. It's when you know it's game over; or as long as you think it's game over. 

When I'm thinking about the deep meaning of life, I get scared, because I fear that we live for nothing. When I feel I've reached a conclusion, or am nearing a conclusion, I get depressed, because I start to believe that we live for nothing. Whatever you believe, your time on Earth doesn't mean much. It'll all be left behind eventually. You may go to a Heaven or a Hell. Your soul may be obliterated into nothingness. You may be reincarnated. Or you may just cease to exist in any way, shape, or form. Whatever the belief, your current life here on Earth, generally speaking, means close to nothing. So what keeps us going? I think we all know some variation of the truth of life; deep down within ourselves. However, we often refuse to believe it, as a way to cope with the fear or depression thinking may bring.

The truth about life really sucks. I don't claim to know everything, or close to anything. This is just what I believe. Whether you agree with me or not, you can't deny, it's a fascinating thing to think about.


Thank you for reading. It's almost 2 AM, so I hope my thoughts make sense.

Just think about it.


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2014-01-04 02:21:52

Fear is when there is hope.. When one's back is at the wall, and there is no hope, you will lose all fear. You're a smart person. Most people hide these thoughts from their mind. It scares them. You seem to embrace it, at least somewhat. You're like me. We all know truth. We just choose to ignore it out of fear. I think you might be right on this. I think religion is the safest bet, because that way, you have a shot at heaven, while it won't matter if reincarnation happens or nothing happens. Now the question.. Which one to choose? You might not want to pick the one that you like; you want the one that makes you the most uncomfortable with yourself, because if we hide the truth from ourselves, then we will not want to confront it. Either way, life is a drag.. I am not really happy right now.

Just some thoughts. I would love to have a discourse on good and evil sometime.. Or maybe love. Or something of something. I don't know.

My mind is an endless ticking clock.. I always need something to solve.. Something to ponder. I grow restless..

GreaserOfficial responds:

Nice to see people who think like I do.
Yeah, religion is the "safest bet". I've read articles explaining how they think it's better to have a religion and get into heaven than to refuse to believe and go to "Hell". There's no risk if you have a religion, but you risk going to a "Hell" if you refuse to give it much thought. That just makes sense to me, but we live in a society that thinks having a religion is a sign of ignorance. I've never been big on religion; I'm more Buddhist than anything. But I think having a religion, in general, is a wise thing to do. However, I feel like spamming your religion at other people is absolute bullshit. You should be able to decide what you believe, without any outside influences. So yeah, I feel like it's better to have a religion, but there's conflict with that. If you have a defined religion just because you don't want to go to a "Hell", is that really believing? Or is it out of fear? I just feel like you should actually believe in your religion.
It's a difficult thing to think about..